I heard two things often as I looked towards the new, scary, adult chapter of my life. One, the consistent reminder that I was not the first person to panic at the thought of stepping in to the next decade and, two, that no person in history had successfully, legally, and officially stopped aging at 29 and lived to tell about it. The fountain of youth has eluded us.

Now that I am a few months in I have gotten comfortable looking lovingly at my 20s and seeing that some real, valuable things were done during that decade.  Though I may not feel 30 most days (today I am a solid 25), I have found myself very grateful. I am grateful both for the overall accomplishments of my 20s and for the fact that some of these great things were done in my youth and will stay in my youth.

Here are 20 things I recommend doing between 20 and 29. Some, because you can get away with it and some because the future depends on it:

1. Study your a$$ off – I don’t care if you go straight to university at 18 and have an indisputable vision of your future or if you actively and independently access interesting information. The 20s are meant for discovery and the more you try and figure out the world around you, the more likely the deep passions and causes of your heart will be brought to life. 

2. Read books that are recommended to you – Ideas are shared through pages and sages. I used to comb through my grandmothers bookshelf and pick out well-worn copies of unheard of titles. I discovered more beauty, life and artistry by picking up titles that were recommended to me – regardless of my initial interest or the style – then I would have sticking to my limited passions. Now, I can recommend a book or two.

3. Get a tattoo - Perhaps it isn’t for everyone, but tattoos are cool. Mine were inked at 18 and 20 and I carry them proudly. Long lasting body art is for the adventurous, expressive days of youth and will remind you of being youthful for (every) year to come. 

4. Fill up a passport - Before it is too much trouble to travel because of kids or aches or cost or time, jump on the plane, train, automobile, yacht, schooner, kayak, pair of snowshoes or just use your feet and get yourself out of the house and out of the country. There is nothing like understanding the world because you have been there. There is nothing like realizing you don’t understand the world because you have been there.

5. Have dreadlocks - Let’s face it, there are not many 40-year-olds that can pull off the tangled locks, so, if you feel so inclined, do it.

6. Say, “Yes!” –  Opportunities abound in the 20s and the saddest thing I see is youth wasting time trying to be grown up when they don’t have to be. A dream job, a trip, a date, an unexpected friendship . . . say yes because you can and because there will be time to make up for it if it doesn’t work out.

7. Subscribe to a newspaper or news-magazine – Be naive, but be informed. There are serious things happening all around us, but the innovative ideas come so often from the young. I would love to hear passionate 20-somethings talk about poverty, hunger, business and sustainability because they have the gull to believe things can change and are informed enough to make their recommendations.

8. Meditate – Just calm down.

9. Forgive your childhood – A lot can get stirred up as you walk away from a family home and life with siblings. Don’t worry, the mistakes, failures and insecurities of childhood do not have to define you. Let it go.

10. Study your lineage – The roots of your name, the life of your ancestors, the story of your parents have a place in today. Know their words, actions, deeds, good and bad qualities and see the parts in yourself you love that have been passed down from generation to generation. We are not islands and our generation exists because of the work and toil of the past. Get to know those that supported your life long before you were born.

11. Meet your parents – They may be different then you remember.

12. Go Expressionist -Whether it is with words, a brush, an instrument or somethings else, practice expressing yourself. The introspection and the process of learning to communicate will be good for you, your relationships and the future.

13. Identify the little foxes – We all go through it – our imaginations take a hold of us and before we know it we are tangled up in lies and assumptions that get ourselves and our loved ones into hard situations and conversations. Take time to learn how you work – what bothers you and how you respond. Then, shut down the sly little lies and fears that control your actions.

14. Fall in love – Okay, it might not work out. You might get your heart broken. But it is worth it. Knowing that part of you is alive is worth more than all the treasures of land and sea. Don’t be afraid to adventure in to this unknown territory.

15. Do scary things – It is true! The older you get, the more you avoid the adventurous, scary things that didn’t bother you before. Jump off something, swim somewhere scary, take that ride because you will always remember the wind in your hair, but you might never do it again!

16. Learn to learn – Whether it is because you love a subject, or are forced, learn what it means to really take information in, process it, turn it around inside of your own ideas and worldview and let it be a part of you. I am not talking memorization here, I am talking really learning something that will stick with you.

17. Take on other’s qualities - Take a look around you. Do the people you know inspire you? Why? Do they hold interesting conversations? How did they get there? Do they do something you want to be able to do in the future? What personal steps did they take to make that happen? Now is the time to set a vision for your adult life and implement the actions that will get you there.

18. Diligently pursue your dreams – “By the time you get permanent jobs and life takes over, they tend to take the back seat.” That quote is from my wise mother. The 20s is not a time to procrastinate the good things in life. Saying, “I will do it when I am retired” basically is saying, “I am not going to do it.” I hear on a weekly basis how someone wishes they had started some pursuit when they first had the desire to do it. Now is the time!

19. Learn to listen – This should be number one. Listening is hard sometimes and the young are known for turning a deaf ear to the wisdom around them. Don’t let this be you! Learn how to enjoy the words of another, to listen to them with acceptance and a heart to understand.

20. Have friends that are older than you – I love talking with grandparents. I love the stories of their lives, the sacrifices they made and the way the world has sped by while they toiled, innovated and experienced the highs and lows of history. Do not forsake the wisdom of your elders, but take their wisdom on like a mantle and walk boldly in to the future.

Maybe this is good wisdom for the 30s, 40s, 80s and 90s. Good habits start young, they say.

~d

or who I will be

It does not speak of promise

or play in my hair.

It does not whisper words of love

or calm my anxious heart

I still know it is there.

The sun does not soak into my naked skin

or heat my cold feet

The sun does not burn me

or light the fire that I need

The sun does not make the stars shine

or bare fruit to eat.

I still believe it real.

The tree does not dance before me

it does not laugh or sing.

The tree does not answer my questions

or give me spring.

The tree does not know my secrets

or correct my mistakes.

I still believe it is good.

So why do I doubt you when I can not see you?

Why do I doubt myself when I don’t hear?

Why do I need an explosion to prove anything?

When the slow, steady ways of the world are here.

In their meeting

two worlds crashed together

The collision resounded in heaven

The smoke never settled

In a single explosion all things changed

the look

the feel

the truth of where they stood

magnified under the fire

They could not look back

there was nothing but ashes of their past

a sun that never shone

until now

a hope with no power

until now

Chapter Two

Carried on the wind came a promise

unlike any promise whispered before

a promise just for them

The promise caressed their ears

tussled their hair

danced just barely on the edge of their skin

power mixed with playfulness

laughter and seriousness

ocean and fire

The cause of all the stirring? A Christianity Today article about Focus on the Family. Its seven-page write-up includes one quote from a FotF representative that includes the One-for-One shoe empire:

As this issue of Christianity Today goes to press, the ministry is scheduled to highlight the work of Blake Mycoskie, the founder of TOMS, a company that donates shoes to an impoverished child for every pair sold.

“A year ago, they were like, ‘Who’s that?’,” Fleece laughs. Now the company is working to become a TOMS international distributor in Africa. “We’re making slow strides here.”

Who knew shoes could cause such an enormous crack in the giving community?

TOMs, until this point it seems, has managed to avoid blow-up controversy. An occasional question about their model’s effectiveness is often met with three times as many supporters.  Walk around any college campus and the canvas flats are a normal fashion choice.

Last week I, too, was surprised when I heard Mycoskie would speak at FotF. I am from the same town as the headquarters, I know their disapproval rating. Today, as I read through the apology post comments, I was met with a level of rage that I didn’t know one could harbor for someone who gives kids a chance to go to school, to be free from disease, to walk along gravel roads with their first pair of shoes.

Associating a business with an organization that harbors un-agreed upon values is, apparently, the unforgivable sin. But we have missed a huge point here – FotF associated THEMSELVES with TOMS, not the other way around.

Blake’s response in his apology makes it clear:

Furthermore, contrary to what has been reported, Focus on the Family is not a TOMS giving partner.

If I was given a chance to speak at Hershey’s (aka, slave-using chocolate manufacturer) I would take it, not in support, but in hopes that some light would be shed and they would change their ways. In hopes that their patrons would learn to use their freedom of purchase in a new way by hearing my voice and my cause.

Could Blake have been hoping to inspire the millions of FotF supporters to support something greater, something wonderful, like global development?

The anti-gay platform that FotF has put itself on is a shame of its own sort. Placing people on it when they have never claimed its values is another kind of shame, one that assumes and writes-off an individual (in this case, one doing great work) without rhyme or reason.

I support TOMSshoes. I support Blake for his attempt to get more people involved in changing the world. I am glad he had an audience at FotF, maybe they will listen to what matters, like supporting people, loving them out of poverty, giving whenever we can and moving towards a real world we can be proud of.

And, with that, I am willing to say that I do not support the Focus on the Family agenda to fight gay-marriage. I do not support their political leanings that exclude people from being able to live the best life possible with those they love.

Funny, how I can do both at the same time….I think Blake can, too.

I realize I’ve been hiding.

I’ve not asked in some time

the words rolled off my lips

familiar to my tongue

they broke into the air

like a fragrant perfume

and filled my senses

with possibility

who

are

you?

Eye See Media has been in a bit of a struggle regarding our current print. It has great content, amazing design, fantastic contributors, and, yet, it sits, unprinted because we don’t have the funds.

Only, we hadn’t really told anyone that.

I got an email from a contributor this weekend asking what the deal was. It was a blunt email that sent me into an Irish-like rage. I responded rather sassily, though hopefully professionally, to the email. We continued our weekend conversation trying to get on the same page.

I took the incoming criticism to heart: Our contributors really did deserve to know what was happening with our print. They deserved to know the background info that I had been rather too embarrassed to share.

I sent just that email today.

And then I realized that valuable lesson.

In sending the email I was able to explain where we were financially, but still assure that our hearts and motives were in the same place, regardless. I still desire desperately to share the stories and actions of people making a difference and inspire readers to do the same. I am committed to making it happen, even if slowly.

Not communicating that made it look like we were hiding something. It opened the door for shady assumptions, offense, hurt-feelings, disappointment, etc., but saying something directly made it possible for those we want to support to feel still supported and that we are fighting for their causes, too.

So, Lesson of May: Communicate! So that those who have given of their time, talents, energy and resources are sure to know that you appreciate them, hope for them, support them and will be standing with them despite the fire, wind and storm.

In hindsight I wonder what I was expecting with such a request. It is hard to imagine character ever being developed in ease. I suppose it should be a minor testament to my current character the lengths that must be gone to throw me into Perseverance mode . . . which leads to character, if you didn’t know.

And now, while my program in school is shutting it’s door, while my already expensive tuition is being raised by 9%, while ESM is penniless but dream-ful and while I have no idea what sort of insane exercise regimen my heart has undertaken, I find that my character is being developed through the questions I walk in every day.

Should I stay and finish a dying degree?

Can I?

What avenue haven’t we tried with ESM, cause our current one looks rather bleak?

How much hope can one person spend through in a day? How much begging am I willing to do for more?

How many questions can I have about life, the future and why I find them both so fog-ridden?

Can my soul be sustained on dreams alone? Tangible evidence is failing…

When there is not another hour in the day, how will I get done that one last thing that needs attending to?

Can I succeed here?

Can I handle failing?

Would either be handled in the solitary confinement of my soul?

And here I sit, with rather harsh realities peaking around the bend, with choices I don’t know how to make, with a stomach growling because I didn’t have the time or energy to manage that part of my day, too.

Dramatic pause.

Tomorrow will be better.

to pull dream into reality

she lept.

Into the unknown.

Breath held just slightly.

Heart on pause.

She counted seconds,

minutes, hours

until she’d see through the fog.

till her feet

would hit

the ground

or

she’d fly high

above it.

drawn

back

into the world

sketched

again

more clearly

lines

connected to

scenery

and

heart

connected to

possibility

blank

surfaces

offering

poetry

emptiness

only

on

the periphery