Bordering Potential and Question

I usually live comfortably and peaceably in the realm of potential. I can operate, make decisions, and feel secure just thinking of possibilities. It helps that I am an optimist. In my world, there are often several what if, and let’s try and maybe I’ll sentences floating around alongside rainbows and butterflies.

It has been a bit of a struggle in some of my relationships. My mom, for example, is a realist. Her first question to me as I expound on ideas and destinations has almost always been, But what if it doesn’t work, what is your plan B? She recently realized I never have an answer to the question and doesn’t voice it as frequently, but the weight of the question still hangs in the room as I talk to her.

I don’t really believe in plan B’s. I believe in faith and action and looking fear in the face and spitting a little as you tell him/her off.

All that said, today I am struggling with my realm of floating, ethereal potential. I am craving something tangible and secure to enter my life.

What is causing all this overwhelmed concern? As much as I love potential – I am not a big fan of question marks.

The difference is slight. In potential the world is at your fingertips. Life is a hedonistic approach of self-defining and fulfillment. Success and failure are obscure and relative.

With questions the rug is pulled out from under your feet – or may be at any minute.  There is not enough time, or maybe too much.  Balance is off.

In potential you are reaching for the stars, in question life is falling through your fingers.

It doesn’t help that my to-do lists for school and Eye See and life in general are multi-page, multi-level and reproducing like rabbits.

I need a vacation. Or another intern. Or maybe just a brew with a bestie.

 

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