I did a silly thing the other day. I asked for character.
In hindsight I wonder what I was expecting with such a request. It is hard to imagine character ever being developed in ease. I suppose it should be a minor testament to my current character the lengths that must be gone to throw me into Perseverance mode . . . which leads to character, if you didn’t know.
And now, while my program in school is shutting it’s door, while my already expensive tuition is being raised by 9%, while ESM is penniless but dream-ful and while I have no idea what sort of insane exercise regimen my heart has undertaken, I find that my character is being developed through the questions I walk in every day.
Should I stay and finish a dying degree?
What avenue haven’t we tried with ESM, cause our current one looks rather bleak?
How much hope can one person spend through in a day? How much begging am I willing to do for more?
How many questions can I have about life, the future and why I find them both so fog-ridden?
Can my soul be sustained on dreams alone? Tangible evidence is failing…
When there is not another hour in the day, how will I get done that one last thing that needs attending to?
Can I succeed here?
Can I handle failing?
Would either be handled in the solitary confinement of my soul?
And here I sit, with rather harsh realities peaking around the bend, with choices I don’t know how to make, with a stomach growling because I didn’t have the time or energy to manage that part of my day, too.
Tomorrow will be better.