Upside down

I have begun processing a crazy, still incomplete, life-changing notion: What if the God of the Universe is directly and amazingly involved in my life? What if he is not the observer, sometimes-question-answerer, only half interested fellow in the sky I pretend him to be, but is instead the tailor, the engineer, the orchastrator, the author of the days I am living?

What if the world is not as it seems? What if happenstance is a myth and coincidence really something more divine? What if our path is more directed, our hearts more molded, our relationships more perfectly cast than we realize?

For the past few weeks this idea of an intimately involved God has been brought to my attention repeatedly. The books I am reading, the stories I am hearing, the conversations I have, the world seems to be conspiring to tell me that I am not at the whim and fancy of a giant biological experiment with no destination or purpose, but that I am living a life constructed FOR me by the One who knows me best.

Selah.

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The tailor – He who would know every stitch in my life, perfectly cutting away what was no longer needed; expertly mending together what needed to be joined with an eye for the perfect fit, the perfect style, the perfect occasion.

The engineer – A master with the minute details of life, ensuring each small spoke fit perfectly with the next so the machine turned, the wheels worked, the numbers added up to a perfectly solved equation.

The orchestrator – Conducting the multitude of instruments to form perfect harmony, allowing the melody to grow, the music to inspire, each moment on pitch and brilliantly timed, each note resounding deeply.

The author – Carefully choosing and penning the words that would lead to the stories, that fill the chapters that build into the beauty of a well-written novel; characters appearing and a plot that makes you keep turning the pages.

My universe turns upside down if I begin to believe God is that involved in my life.

If he is the tailor then I have to begin to believe that broken relationships are not left broken.  Pieces are cut and new brilliance is formed and there is no real reason to continue to mourn the shredded material that has fallen to the ground while I am clothed in perfect fitting dignity and strength.

If he is the engineer then I have to begin to believe that the current pieces of my life – business, art, work, school, community, family – work together for good, to support each other, not compete for my time. That each moving part is a part of something bigger, all valuable and vital to the whole.

If he is the orchestrator then I have to begin to believe that my life’s song is being played in perfect time, that I am not behind in things, trying desperately to catch up to where I should be, but that each note, each rest, each person with a part to play is right on cue, on the same page, playing together.

If he is the author then I have to begin to believe that each word is perfectly chosen and this crazy story is an adventure worth page-turning, that the ups and downs all push the story along and what looks like the end, a failure, a mistake really leads to the next chapter of beginning, success and hope.

If I decide to believe these things then I have to let go of pain. Bitterness. Disappointment. Discouragement. Heartbreak. Fear. Loneliness. Anxiety. Depression. Because the moments in my life that have caused these feelings have also worked together for my good. It is a radical change in perspective. It places everything back into the hands of God, and if you believe he is a good God, then that is a great thing.

Giving up heartbreak would turn my world upside down. I have allowed heartbreak to dictate my emotions, to filter and hinder my giving of love, to hold me back from honesty and in so doing I have become very inept at sharing my feelings and emotions. But if God is in those pieces and has tailor-made a future for me from those pieces, I have no excuses. I cannot continue to hold-back, to hide behind my walls, to fear the future is a lonely, dark place.

Giving up discouragement would turn my world upside down. I have allowed being discouraged to make me more “reasonable”. I have allowed it to squander away my big dreams in exchange for tiny ideas and have let it mold my view of success into something worldly, quantitative. If God is engineering my success and working each bit to fit into a larger picture of his dream I cannot hold back, hide behind, or fear.

I could go through every crazy emotion and inappropriate thought process and deconstruct it to show how situations look entirely different in light of this rising revelation. Truly, if God has been there, always been there, always involved and working things together, laying the path, protecting, accepting, hearing healing, seeing . . . if that is true everything changes.

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