lonely-toothbrushOkay, Okay. For the last few weeks this blog has gotten a little skewed towards things like relationships, marriage, and all the crazy that comes out of us when we are trying to navigate such things. I have attempted to highlight some theories I have on broken relationships, I have made fun of myself and my crazy, and I have shared other people’s wise thoughts, but all this talk can give off the impression that something is wrong with being single! I don’t think so!

For this post in the 100 days challenge I decided to explore the reasons that I adore being single. I may be looking forward (occasionally) to that bubble-bursting life commitment of marriage, but that doesn’t mean I am not happy and content about today and all that is at my fingertips because I am currently not in a long-term, life-defining nuptial.  Off the top of my head, in no particular order, with varying degrees of depth and insight, here are some things I love about being single:

1. I don’t have to go places I don’t want to go! I am not dragged down to the hunting store to see dead animals hanging on walls. I don’t have to sit through movies or concerts that aren’t my style. I have every authority to just say no to an invitation that doesn’t suit me and feel very little pressure to compromise if I just simply don’t want to go.

2. My budget need only sustain one. Full stop.

3. My decisions aren’t (usually) challenged.  This is a good place for community, but things like my schedule and what I have for dinner don’t have to filter through anyone else. Bigger decisions are a great place for friends and wise council, but the daily thoughts and tasks about life are left to me to walk in independently and healthily.

4. I have lots of time for lots of people. Right now I can schedule out coffees, happy hour and dinner dates with people every day if I want. I can connect with and pour into all kinds of lives and not worry about how much I am home or not home or who is getting the bulk of my time. I can receive wisdom and mentorship from various figures in my life because I have time and am not limited.

5. I can support my friends without hesitation. Need a house-sitter? A dog-walker? To borrow an air mattress? To borrow some dollars? Need a weekend away for your sanity? A long phone conversation without interruption? Need to ask someone for help that doesn’t have to ask anyone else if it is okay? Yeah, I can do those things. Because I love to, because I want to and because I can!

6. I can mess up. From something small like burning dinner to something large like trying a new career or city, I can take a risk and not be worried at how it affects another person. In short, I can grow by trying and grow as much as I want.

7. I can be in school! I may be perpetually in school and need to learn to navigate this in a marriage someday, but at least right now I can do it on my schedule. I stay up until midnight, I work on papers on Saturdays, I spend 5 or 6 hours in a coffee shop and it is 100% kosher. I can better myself and my mind without reluctance.

8. I can dive into friendships.  Building strong and healthy community may be one of the best parts of being single.

9. I have time. I have time to listen, time to pray, time to read, time to observe, time to sleep in, time to write, time to explore, time to be.

10. I can really work on my shit. While no one is directly and continually suffering the fall-out, I can dive into my psyche, my problems, my strange way of looking at the world and deal with it. I can heal and find freedom. I can become more healthy and more real. I can shed the layers of pain, hurt, abuse, shame, mistake, failure and control with resolve and intention that soothes my soul and honors my Maker.

11. I can grow in the way I love people. While I am single I can look to the needs of others and learn to be aware, be present and respond to who they are and what they need. I can learn to love others well and explore the depths of the love we have been given to pour out. I can learn to listen to needs and really hear someone. I can learn to sit and be with someone that is hurting.

12. I can learn true generosity. Today I can give whatever I have in the bank to a homeless man on the street. I can learn to give of my things, my money, and walk in faith. I can buy gifts, support a child, and intentionally change the world through generosity. No one else is involved in my generosity. I can own it and be the fiercely generous person I want to be.

13. I can travel. Passport or full-tank, I have no reason to not board the plane, or start that drive. I have no schedules to adjust outside of my own, and only one person’s culture shock to navigate 🙂 Not to mention the extreme value in experiencing something all your own and deeply changing to the soul.

I am sure there are many more! What are your reasons to love being single?


100 Days Challenge :: 25/100 // Adoration


8 thoughts on “Single-minded

  1. I adore this list because it’s so true. My favorite is number six. I have been in two serious(ly hopeless) relationships back to back for a total of six years and I never gave myself chance to form a relationship with just me. I had played as Mrs. Beaver each time and never had my own individuality. Having been single for the past 8 months, I learned what my real interests are and what I, not we, want out of life. It has been the most liberating and exciting time of my life 🙂

    • I love this, Molly! It is a great time to figure out your place in the world and what you want your life to be about. I hope you find more excitement and more freedom!

  2. You raise some great points, and at the same time they are not all mutually exclusive from marriage. In fact, the way to keep a marriage (or any relationship) happy and healthy is to continually pursue your “single-ness”- that is, learning to grow and nurture yourself SO THAT you better know how to nurture and support someone else. Double experience points when you are helping someone who in turn helps you.
    By the way, us guys aren’t all boat anchors. 😉

    • Hahaha, so true, Andy, I suppose my list makes it sound like I think guys are going to anchor me in and clip my sails.

      May I learn how to grow and nurture so that the others in my life can be supported well now and in the future 🙂

  3. D – I love this post! As I am turning 30 in a few days, it has given me time to pause as a single person, and embrace the things that I already do, and stretch myself to be able to do more! Thank you!!

  4. Pingback: Intro: 100 Days Challenge | I Heart Change

  5. Pingback: Single-minded… | RopinGirl

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