We see so dimly.
Tonight, for just a moment, I caught sight of Jesus, fully man, sacrificing himself out of love for me. He, skin and muscles and bones and beating heart, fully as I am. Able to feel the heat of the day, sweat dripping down his back. Able to feel the ache of muscles, able to feel the fatigue in his eyes, fully man.
Fully man choosing to step into the place I deserved. Fully man choosing love in complete self-sacrifice. Fully man with his mind on the one he love(d)(s).
I felt like a woman in love. In love with a man who gave his everything for her. I felt like a woman who had been loved so greatly that her lover took her shame and died, covered what was due to her with his own life.
I felt the intensity of that love in gratefulness, sadness, loss, disbelief and foggy realization that it was
in this story
It was, for just a moment, like I was remembering his love for me and the sacrifice he made, but as if it were years and years later as the emotion was faded, masked by the passing of time. I saw it so dimly. For just a moment I saw it, knew it to be true, but it threatened to sift back in to the shadows, back in to knowledge rather than memory.
In this moment I also realized how little I know of this great love I am in. So much shed off of me as I met his gaze. Scales that had weighed and habits that had formed, fell off my sides and I stood believing that I lacked nothing. For a moment I did not lack, I saw. I did not need to fill a void, I had all I would ever need.
I want this love to change me.
I want what I saw to change me – to remold my heart and mind that I may stay in the knowledge that I am in this Great Love and here I have no lack for the Great Love is, in itself, fullness. Wholeness. Complete.