Kayaking in the San Juan Islands last year.

Kayaking in the San Juan Islands last year.

I have dreamt about whales the last three nights. The dreams are always the same. I am kayaking in calm, still waters and a whale bobs its head out of the water right next to my boat. Within the dream I expect, or maybe just hope for, this encounter. His eye comes up above the water line and he looks straight at me. I am giddy, excited, but not at all afraid. I know that it will be one of the best moments of my life.

This morning I was listening to Morning Edition on NPR and they did a story about listening. At a couple of different points they play a recording of whales communicating with each other. As I sat on my couch, coffee in hand, an incredible calm came over me at the sound. My breathe was deeper and slowed, the muscles in my shoulders relaxed.

I lay in bed this evening, unable to sleep. The brightness of the full moon shone through my window and my eyes would not close nor my brain drift off, and I thought back to these moments over the last few days – repeated dreams, a physical response to sound, a curiosity. I decided to look up the meaning of the whale – what spirit totem symbolism has been assigned this creature. If I didn’t, I would be ignoring synchronicity.

The whale is the keeper of history, a communicator, and bridger of distance. It is grand and powerful, but gentle and wise. It stands both for following intuition and speaking your truth, for taking hold of life and understanding the spirit world, for remembering and letting go and forgiving.

Here, in my tiny house, in the middle of the night, I gather some wisdom from these meanings. They speak to me about my past, about my present and about my future hopes. They are simultaneously poignant and all encompassing for I have histories to remember, histories to forget, and things to forgive. I am seeking to trust my intuition again, to trust myself, to learn to keep history in proper perspective. I want to bridge gaps, I want to show compassion, I desire to be strong.


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